“You Should Stay Positive”- overused cliche for stroke survivors

When psychologists go to counsel the stroke survivors fighting to get their functions back, they often say: you need to stay positive…you need to be thankful…you need to…

This is really an overused cliché. And we are glad the British Royal Academy is advising doctors and psychologists be careful about its implication. To help well intentioned psychologists understand why, let’s go through the following conversation one of our stroke survivor friends Jim has shared with us. 

Our friend Jim suffered vocal cord paralysis and was fighting hard to get his voice back - he was singing in the choir before the stroke suddenly knocked him down. Because of the paralysis, he could not swallow, his phlegm was overflowing, and the most painful, his voice was so hoarse and weak that he had a hard time communicating.

Thank God, through acupuncture and persistent efforts, Jim's voice made a marvelous come back in Year 3. The conversation below took place in the acute rehab stage. One month after stroke, Jim was frustrated that there was not so much progress no matter how hard he tried. He was really afraid the loss would stay permanent. So the hospital sent an Ivy League trained psychologist, Dr F, to talk to him.

Dr F: you know Jim, you can still make the best out of what you are left with. Be positive. Your voice is very hoarse. But you can write down what you want to say. You can be an excellent writer. You can also wear a microphone to magnify your voice when talking. Many survivors like you make do with what's left. They still have a very happy and productive life. There are just so many things you can be grateful to…

Jim: Dr F, let me ask you a question. Are you a mom?

Dr F: Yes. A very busy mom of two teenagers.

Jim: So you have 2 kids.

Dr F: Yes, 2. A son and a daughter.

Jim: Let’s say God forbid, your son went missing one night, and you called 911. The policewoman listened to your story and said, you know you still have one daughter left. There are many moms who lost a son. But they still managed to live a happy and productive life. There are so many things to be grateful to…what would you do?

Dr F: I would yell at that heartless woman. I would pounce at her and strangle her if that was face to face.

Jim: But you are just like that policewoman to us every day.